If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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