I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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