I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
