he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
