remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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