I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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