Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
