I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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