That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
