Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's shark week go big or go home
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
