What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
