Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
