She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
