I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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