I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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