i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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