We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
