If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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