Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
