Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
