Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
