I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
