But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
