I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
