im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
