I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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