i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
