we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
