there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ketchup is God's man juice
my shit smells like andre
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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