I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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