Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
