R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
one might say we're banned from that church
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
