you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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