You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
