why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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