i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you win again, gameday.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
