we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
