Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
