i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
