u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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