i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
