Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
