Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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