the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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