I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
