I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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