that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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