i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
