I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize