Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
