Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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