Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
