Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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