I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's just like the Real World with babies
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She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
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On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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