Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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