Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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