I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
