i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
