So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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