Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
