R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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