Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
