Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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