I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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