I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
